OPO PINOY STYLE

COCA-COLA PRESIDENT FOR HAPPINESS

Video:

WHAT'S THE NAME OF YOUR SIM CARD?

This funny yet somehow amazing trick is lurking on social networking sites.

COMPUTER GENDER

Photo courtesy: http://www.sitecheat.com

Curious to know your computer gender. Below are simple steps to follow:

• Open Notepad
• Type the following line in notepad: CreateObject("SAPI.SpVoice").Speak"I love you"
• Save file as computer_gender.vbs
• Open the file. If you hear a male voice, your pc is a boy. If you hear a female voice, your pc is a girl.

Source: http://wilk4.com/humor/humorm13.htm

Computer Gender

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Is your computer male or female? As you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being female (e.g.,"Steady as she goes", or "She's listing to starboard, Captain!").


Reasons to believe computers are female:

1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. The message "Bad command or file name" is about as informative as, "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you".
4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
5. Picky, picky, picky.
6. They hear what you say, but not what you mean.
7. Beauty is only shell deep.
8. When you ask what's wrong, they say "nothing"
9. Can produce incorrect results with alarming speed.
10. Always turning simple statements into big productions.
11. Smalltalk is important.
12. You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it's wrong.
13. They make you take the garbage out.
14. Miss a period and they go wild!!!
15. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

However, another group of computer scientists (all female) think that computers should be referred to as if they were male. Their reasons follow:

Reasons to believe computers are male:

1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
2. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
3. A better model is always just around the corner.
4. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
5. It is always necessary to have a backup.
6. As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model.
7. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
8. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
9. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.
10. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
11. Size does matter!

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FUNNY 'DEAR CHARO' (MMK)

Nakakatawa ang spoof na ito ng Maalaala Mo Kaya.

CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO OPEN:

MMK - BERTA


If the file is not working or cannot be found or open, please feel free to contact the blogger or just leave a message. 

FUNNY PICTURES (PART I)

NGAYON ALAM KO NA KUNG SAAN KUMAKAIN ANG MGA LALAKI AT TIBO

SI KUYANG MAY BOKUL, NAGTITINDA NG BOKU

ABANDLE RAW

BISAYA KA DONG

HINDI USO RITO ANG 'F'

BISAYA KA DAY

PATI SIGNAGE DISABLED

FRIENDLY TELUS

BAWAL DITO ANG TAHIMIK

BAWAL DITO ANG PAYAT

MAY TRANSLATION PA TALAGA

NANGGUGULAT BA ITO O NAGTATANONG

ENGLISH NA LANG SANA LAHAT

AYAW NIYA MASYADO SA 'F'

THANK YOU FOR CALLING!

Ganito ang buhay call center agent.

PLEASE WATCH THE VIDEOS HERE.

LAUGH OUT LOUD

Nang unang nabasa ko ang mga 'to, forwarded email sa office kahit na bawal, tawa kami nang tawa sa floor. Nataon pang napakadalang ng mga calls kaya laugh trip talaga kami.

* Dalawang kalbo, nag-sabunutan.

* Capt. Hook dumaan sa Quiapo, pinirata!!!

* Palaisdaan, nasunog!!!

* Tahanang Walang Hagdan, inakyat!!!

* Bakla sumali sa away, napasubo!!!

* Bagong tuli nagyabang, lumaki ang ulo!!!

* Unanong madre, napagkamalang penguin!!!

* Bulag nakapatay, nagdilim daw ang paningin!!!

* Iceman nanood ng porno, nag-init!!!

* Tindera ng suka, tinoyo!!!

* Teacher nagkamali, tinuruan ng leksyon!!!

* Lolo naakusahang nang-rape, pero sa korte....biktima ayaw tumayo!!!

* Eroplano nag-crash, lahat ng pasahero namatay sabi ng mga survivor!!!

* Basurero nagsampa ng kaso, binasura!!!

* Dahil may reklamo, eskwelahan ng mga bingi nag-noise barrage!!!

* Tubero, nagka-tulo!!!

* Lalaki natagpuang pugot ang ulo, inaalam pa kung buhay!!!

* Barbero tumestigo sa krimen, ayaw paniwalaan!!!

* Misis ng photographer, nakunan!!!

* Tindera ng tubig, namatay sa uhaw!!!

* Kaso ng pilay, nilalakad!!!

* Invisible man, nakita na!!!

* Bakla lumuhod sa simbahan, pinalabas!!!

* Labandera nagkamali, sinabon!!!

* Lalaki kumain ng boneless bangus, natinik!!!

* Janitor sumali sa basketball, nilampaso!!!

* Paco binaha, kinalawang!!!

* Dahil lagi raw tulog, guwardiya binantayan!!!
 

ENGLISH 101: EAT MY ENGLISH

There’s a lighted spot in EAT MY ENGLISH RESTOBAR (right in the heart of Metrowalk) that shows these screwed-up English phrases. 

• Guys, let’s call it tonight.                                 
• How much is the kidney meal?         
• Been there been that..
• George, eat your hat out!
• You can never can tell...
• All of a suddenly,
• Are you sure ka na ba?
• Start the games begin!
• Take things first at a time.
• It’s a no win-win solution!
• What happened after the erection of Mayon Volcano?
• Forget it about it.
• I ran into some errands.
• The more the manyer.
• Give him the benefit of the daw.
• What’s your next class before this?
• What are friends are for?
• Thanks God.
• Wanted: Boy Waitress
• The sky’s the langit.
• Well well well look down here...   (Well well well..looks who's here..)
• When it rains it fours....

ANG CALLER AT ANG CS

QA: Failed. 

Call Transcription:

CS: Good morning! This is (Ger? Jear? Gear?) How may I help you?

Customer: Bakit ang tagal nyong sumagot. Kanina pa ako tawag ng tawag sa inyo?

CS: Okay! So Ma’am inform ko lang po sa inyo Ma’am di lamang po ikaw ang subscriber Ma’am dito sa Pilipinas.

Customer: Ganun ba?

CS: Okay?

Customer: Pwede pong magtanung?

CS: Okay? So ganyan ba dapat ang mga nagtatanung? Kayo ang may kailangan di ho ba? Ganyan ba dapat ang boses ng mga nagtatanung Ma’am?

Customer: Ah pwede po bang magtanung, Sir?

CS: Ayusin ang boses. Hindi ganyan. Akala mo kung sino ka.

Customer: Galit ka ba?

CS: Yes!

Customer: Ay hindi na lang ako magtatanong sayo kung galit ka.

CS: Pwes huwag kang tumawag dito.

Customer: Ano ka haller?

Voice (different dialect)

Customer: Isusumbong kita.

CS: Go ahead.

Customer: Yes! Talaga.

CS: Yes! Go ahead. Okay! Pwede kang magsumbong sa… Customer Service para po sa mga inyong ah mga comments, suggestions. Go ahead.

Customer: Talaga!

CS: K!

Customer: Isumbong kita kay Arroyo.

CS: Okay!

Customer: Ipapatay kita.

CS: Okay!

Noise at the background.

Customer: Hintayin mo lang.

CS: Okay!

Customer: I kell you!

CS: Okay! It’s not kell. It’s kill.

Customer: No!

CS: Laugh. That’s so Bisaya. It’s so kell. It’s kill. Okay?

Customer: So what?

CS: Laugh. See! Dapat pinapangaralan kita ng tamang pronunciation.

Customer: Anong paki you?

CS: Laugh. Kell. I kell you! That’s so nakakatawa. Mmmmmm!

Customer: So what?

CS: Laugh.

Customer: Are you crazy?

Laughing at the background. Noise.

Customer: Shit!

Noise at the background.

Customer: Pangit. 

CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO LISTEN:

ANG CS AT ANG CALLER

LIFE STORY OF INDAY (ENGLISH-SPEAKING YAYA)

Dahil sa tindi ng kahirapan sa probinsya, namasukan si Inday bilang katulong sa Maynila.

Habang ini-interview ng amo...

Amo: Kailangan namin ng katulong para mag-ayos ng bahay, magluto, maglaba, magplantsa, mamalengke, at magbantay ng mga bata. Kaya mo ba ang lahat ng ito?

Inday: I believe that my trained skills and expertise in management with the use of standard tools, and my discipline and experience will contribute significantly to the value of the work that you want. My creativity, productivity and work-efficiency and the high quality of outcomes I can offer will boost the work progress.

Amo: [nosebleed]

Nakaraan ang dalawang araw, umuwi ang amo, nakitang may bukol si Junior.

Amo: Bakit may bukol si Junior?

Inday: Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered architectural design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy's cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ.

Amo: [nosebleed ulit]

Kinagabihan, habang naghahapunan.

Amo: Bakit maalat ang ulam?

Inday: The consistency was fine. But you see, it seems that the increased amount of sodium chloride (NaCl) affected the taste drastically and those actions are irreversible. I do apologize.

Amo: [nosebleed na naman]

Donya: Bakit tuwing paguwi ko, nadadatnan kitang nanunuod ng tv?!

Inday: Because I don't want you to see me doing absolutely nothing.

Donya: [hinimatay]

Kinabukasan, sinamahan ni Inday si Junior sa principal's office dahil di makapunta ang amo at donya.

Principal: Sinuntok ni Junior ang kanyang kaklase.

Inday: It's absurd! It was never a fact that he will inflict a fight. I can only imagine how you handle schizophrenic kids on this educational institution. Revise your policies because they suck!

Principal: [nag-resign]

Pag dating sa bahay, nandun na ang amo, galit na galit.

Amo: Inday, bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay?!

Inday: A change in the weather patterns might have occurred wrecking havoc to the surroundings. The way the debris are scattered indicates that the gust of wind was going northeast causing damage to the path it was heading for.

Amo: [nosebleed ulit]

Habang nagluluto si Inday ng hapunan, malikot si Junior.

Inday: Stop your raucous behavior. It is bound to result in property damages and if that happens there will be corresponding punishment to be inflicted upon you!

Junior: [takbo sa CR, punasan ang nagdudugong ilong]

Pagkatapos magluto, nanood nang TV si Inday. Nabalitaan nyang umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA 7.

Junior: Bakit kaya sya umalis?

Inday: Sometimes, people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they just know that things will get worse if they'll stay. Leaving can be a tough act, and it's harder when people can't understand you for doing so.

Junior: [tuloy ang pagdugo ng ilong]

Nung gabing iyon, may nag-text kay Inday. Si Dodong, ang driver ng kapitbahay, gustong makipag-textmate.

Inday: To forestall further hopes of acquaintance, my unfathomable statement to the denial of your request - petition denied.

Di naglaon, dahil sa tiyaga ni Dodong, naging siyota nya rin si Inday. Pero di tumagal ang kanilang relasyon, at nakipag-break si Inday kay Dodong.

Inday: The statute restricts me to love you but you have the provocations. The way you smile is the proximate cause why I love you. We have some rules to think of. We have no vested rights to love each other because the upper household dismissed my petition!

Dodong: Perhaps you are mistaken. What you seem to contrive as any affections for you are somewhat half-hearted. I was merely attempting to expand my network of interests by involving you in my daily recreation. Hereto for, you can expect an end to any verbal articulation from myself."

May dumaang mamang basurero, at narinig ang usapan nina Inday at Dodong.

Basurero (sabi kay Inday): Be careful in letting go of the things you thought are just nothing because maybe someday you'll realize that the one you gave away is the very thing you've been wishing for to stay.

Narinig ang lahat ng ito ng amo ni inday.

Amo: [nagpakamatay]